The morning began as a happy one, celebrating my Father's birthday. That joy quickly turned to sadness with a phone call that my Aunt had been found dead in her home. She was not just your ordinary Aunt, she was so much more to so many. To me, she was my mother away from home, my decorator, my stylist. We playfully fussed every chance we had because we were so much alike. As much as my heart hurt for my loss, it bled even more because I couldn't take the pain away from her sons. I could not fix their shattered world, and that hurt me more.
So I numbed myself to be able to do the things necessary for the family. Just going through the motions, things can become a blur. A week passes and it is the night of the Repass. A hard night was escalated to difficult with a phone call from the hospital that Grandma had been rushed to the Emergency Room and they needed the whole family there. I tearfully made it through the night only to have to face the funeral of my Aunt in a few hours. Concerned about my Grandma, but prayed up for her comfort and recovery, I struggled through the Celebration of Life.
The call came again that the family was needed at Grandma's bedside, this time they gave us the news that she would not make it through the night. It was an out of body experience for me. As I sat there, my mind was flooded with memories of our talks, our laughs, our love. My Grandma had been my everything, my number one fan. In her eyes, I could do no wrong. She found pride in everything I did. Even in her last days, she would smile at the mention of my name. But now God needed her. He wanted to take her out of her misery here on Earth.
If you have never sat and waited for a loved one to take their last breathe, I tell you that has to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I was frozen in time, mesmerized by the clock ticking away seconds. Each tick seemed louder than the last, and in between I could hear Grandma breathing. As I tried to focus, I began to hear her whispering to me. But nobody in the room seemed to hear it but me. I could hear her saying the numbers 2 2 4, over and over, as if she was sitting right next to me. I tried to shake it off, but those numbers stuck in my head.
The minutes turned into hours, but we remained at her bedside speaking words of comfort and love. The doctor had instructed us to encourage her, it was okay to let go. We kept telling her that we would see her again. We told her that her job her on Earth was done. We told her she was free. As we talked to her, her breathes became shorter. Then at exactly 2:24am she took her last breathe. That is a sound that I will never forget. At that moment, I saw her Spirit rise up and take the hand of the Death Angel that awaited her. Together they walked off into the light.
Just like that, my world that was already shaken up was shattered. My Grandma was gone. Life as I knew it would never be the same again. My heart would forever be missing a huge chunk. Everyday my heart yearns for her.
Today on her anniversary, I can reflect back and I can smile through my tears. I know my Grandma is smiling down on me, still my number one fan, still proud of anything I do. It is true that the pain subsides. It does get easier with time. I don't love or miss her any less, memories we shared have grown that love. But these eight days in May three years ago have surely changed my life and my outlook on it. Life is too short to do anything but love. I love my life and everybody in it. I am grateful for all my loved ones that God has called home because they helped make me the person I am today.
I end my thoughts today by telling you God loves you and so do I.
Toodles
Angelic-1
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